im 17 and young. i frown most of the time. im not any famous girl to bitch about.

I never knew 2010 was going to be a shit for me. I remebered celebrating countdown with my girls. It didnt go as plan anw. Oh yeah, probably that was a sign for me that 2010 was not gonna be a good year.
This year, theres alot of shit happen in many ways. From family and friends to school and studies to jobs and even my lovelife.
All these happen together to me in a year.

I know family is where i always depend on. I cant blame if shits happen cause its fate. I mean theres always ups and down in something. So whenever we fight, of course things get back together. Its normal if mum and dad fights verbally or syira and sarah fights physically and me end up being the middle person like a messenger to get the latest update of which member of the family is doing and tell it to their opponent whom they fight with. Yes, its always me. Bahan of the family. Its okay. Im used to it. The shit that happen this year was to have my Nenek around. Of all, its this year. A year im taking my major examination. Im bad? Im rude? Think again.
The reason i hate it when Nenek comes is she change the whole house from a cosy to a kampung style. I dont feel theres anything left for me to feel like its home. She smoke around the house-anywhere-living room, bedroom, toilet and even the kitchen while shes cooking! Another thing is Nenek have hearing problems. So whenever we want to talk to her, we have to "raise" our voice in order she could hear. This irritates me ALOT. I was once accuse for being rude or treating Nenek badly that this particular news was spread fast to my relatives. Thanks alot eh. Only god will know what truly happens. Why is Nenek around? All thanks to Kakak. If baby iya was not born, Nenek wouldnt be around to babysit her. Nenek does stay and leave other relatives house too. Usually the maximum is ONE month. But how long did Nenek stay my house this year? FIVE months. And non of my relatives come to volunteer for a stay at their place even after Nenek complain about living with my family. Nenek loves to fill in the dining table with food like biscuits, tea, her kopi and ciggs. Now tell me where the hell do i have my space? I always use the dining table to do my work. Everybody in the house does. Theres no other study table for me that i chose to go out and do my revision. The attempt i made wasnt really successful. Why? First, there will be like curfew gg on. Second, parents dont trust me studying outside. Third, i wont really have the full concentration to study. I have friends who will go, "Pool pah?" and we will stop study to play pool. Hehe. Parents have never been supportive. They dont put words like, "Its okay, try harder." instead they will go, "You always go out to study but these are the results you gave!" or "If you dont pass your O, you better be prepared!" All these words just hurt me too much. I wonder why they love pressuring me. For what mum had done by bringing Nenek over and scolded me for being rude to Nenek, I took a revenge by hurting her feelings. I gave up on my studies and showed the results to her. It was successful in making mum hurt. Cause dad told me that mum said she was so disappointed with my results. I know it was kinda childish for doing that but i couldnt take it whenever mum thinks shes always right! To sum these up, I wish Nenek wasnt around and things could have been slighly better.


I wonder if i would say about the next topic-friends. I remembered Mr Zainuddin once said in class, "You guys should work and help each other. To be honest, i see you guys grow and bond together compared to other batch.". I knew he have faith that we all gonna do well for our O since our N proves that almost 100% get promoted. But i dont think so this year works. Many conflicts happen around. Everyone mixes around with different people and we look like we're divided into groups. No longer in one. Btw, cause my parents were being so strict with me gg out, i felt left out from friends. Cause sometimes whenever theres an outing, i wont be invited probably some ppl just wont make an effort to do so? Or maybe because they used to have the idea that even if they asked, i wont be able to go. I just wish people make an effort despite knowing that i been controlled by parents.


Oh yeah, school. I did my last performance for the school which is 10th year anniversary. Malay Dance, i miss it soo much. I was the oldest in the club for this year and it was so sad to had my last performance. I leave my passion for studies. Haiya. No choice. I hate Mdm Haslina for this year. Of all, she left the school, she left us.
She has been the best Maths teacher ever which i never failed my maths during sec four. And it proves that she made the whole batch of sec four (2009) to pass their N level maths! And now for O level, shes gone. Forever. And what happen to my maths? Drop. Awfully drop. I fail. Even if i tried so hard, ntg works. I hate school in 2010. Theres ntg special. How i wish i had garaduate last year with the good feeling i had and memories around. I bet ntg sweet or memorable to think of the school. Be it cca, any event that was happening or even friends.


I knew 2010 gonna be a "Study Year" for me. I had to sacrifice alot for it. I quit my job, Cotton On. How sad i am to leave such fun and high pay job. But i had to. Cause it proves to me that i didnt attend detention class and not even hand in my eng homework. Even until friends advice me to quit. Oh yeah talking about work, since O ended, i decided to find a job. I didnt go back to Cotton On cause i heard theres too many people workin fr it and the working hours will be little. Therefore, i decided to try something new. I couldnt stand rotting at home cause Nenek is around. It kills me to death to wake up early in the morning to serve her needs like buying things at minimart or turning on the tv. I was desperate for a job until i got one, Accessorize. I admire the shop with the items that they sold but sadly the job didnt seem happening as what i expected. I didnt get the boutique but got a department store in a metro shop. How pathetic is that? Metro? Kimaaaaak. Firstly, Metro disgust me. Secondly, i also have to FOLLOW Metro rules, procedures and even the security. Oh yeah, one of the rules was to wear lipstick. Lipstick?! Omg. That is the last thing i would think of putting on. I only wear them for events. Oh goddd. And lastly, Accessorize control you like fuck. I applied for temporary and they put me in FULL TIME. 6 days of works, weekends is a MUST to work. How fuck is that?! Other than that, i just dont love my job. It sucks. Im not enjoying it. Fullstop. Oh well, im quiting already. Pheww.

Things doesnt go as i plan. Well, of course, god plan our life. A lot of things happens in my life emotionally. With the fights happenning at home, whatever happen with friends and what hurts most, my lovelife. I never knew things would end up so fast. The way i ended up my love this year didnt really have a reason to it. Maybe i wasnt being a good girlfriend? Maybe i suck in a relationship? But i was happy being single back. I have less things to think or worry of. But i hate the fact to admit that i was getting worse? Eversince i broke up, i started smoking back. I was being much sinful eversince. I started to realise these when my older ex came and met me. He saw changes in me. When he told me i was a better person in 08, it put a great impact. He wanted us to be together back but i cant accept any of my ex cause i know things wont work or be the same. I knew his intentions was to take care of me but all these kinda things are too early for me. Since i lost contact, i didnt really give a thought about what he said. Well, i lead my own life. I just wanted to be single. It makes me happy. Theres nothing to worry or any heartpains and tears. Worse of all, i wanna control the sins ive made. It was a mistake when i started dating someone. It was a big mistake. It was too good for me. I knew someday i would change, but not now. I wanna enjoy life. I know where my limits are. Even if i was gg to have a man in my life, i need a person who can protect me. I need them to know how to defend themselves before defending me. I have to admit i was a heartbreaker this year. I have my own reasons. I had to let go of the person before worse things could happen.

I bet this is the longest post i had so far in my blog. All shits, nothing memorable. Goodbye 2010. I hope 2011 would be better! Amin.

hi. i am so happy eventho i've started working, my bestfriend and i are still in contact with each other.
im so glad cause the moment i got a job, i felt bad for her being jobless, still.

on thursday night, i had the most awesome night of the week. yeah, i spent time with Heydy Izzaty around town. we plan to search for job. we did went to one shop. one and only for the day! haha. time flies so fast on that day though. we went to TANGS and search for Ika who was working. kesiaannn.
both of us was running out of plans though so we decided to just chill.
bought an ice-cream, sit on ion stairs, smoking, camwhoring(iwonderwhenwasthelasttimeiusedthisword!), laughing out reaaaally loud!
seeeeeeee. being around with bestfriend, just the two of us is awesome!

on friday night, again, i spent time with bestfriend. she was so hot but sadly she didnt bought any camera. if not, i could take her pictures you know. idk why we met but its because amira was bored and she took the advantage of meeting me after work. what we did? again, just chilling and exactly at the same spot as the previous night. and again, we did the same old thing! ohh and i met Ahpeng too. its funny when i texted him to turn his head to the left and his reaction was so excited asking his friends which is left and right. the cool part is that one of his friend is the guy both me & amira been aiming at. haha!

how about saturday night? amira again met me after work! kau tengok nyaaaaah. aku macam ader matair eh ader orang selalu jumper lepas kerje. hahaha. this time, amira also hot! saturday siaa. in town siaa. we thought orchard tak laku sebab the hunks and chicks pergi zoukout. check-check ader jugak yang belen-belen terselit-selit daerah town. hehe. btw, kiteorang tak miang eh pls. nie smuer untuk suka ria!
amira brought along her camera so i become her photographer! padahal kan, mate aku dah koyak siol. 3 malam aku tahan tdo asyik kena kerje morning shift jer. but amira nyer pasal, aku sanggup!
last part paling best. we go scape park. no, bukan nak tengok jantan ehh. i want to take amira peektures. but then was amazed by the people there so we check out some people urh. we even made friends with one guy who was skating and sat beside us. i cut short urh the story. biler add kat fb kan, he happens to know my first sister and a whole lot huge story about them. haish small world. dah tu takper. sekali kan kite nampak ader lah seseorang. dah macam stalker sak duer-duer. *inside joke* happy you!

my whole intention of posting this is to share how much grateful i am to have a wonderful bestfriend! if the way i type make you guys think imma les, no dude! i am totally straight. aku nampak laki hot jer dah miang! no worries! ♥

like at last im blogging something. there's so many things happened actually. eversince the last paper of O! from slacking everyday at home, karaoke-ing at siddiq's house, class chalet and much much more! sadly, i got no time to elaborate on each and every one of them.

all i can say chalet was fun. i dont know where to start but i think it could have done better next time! tunggu reunion pah? :D

i was slacking most of the time at home! i got totally bored and needed a job badly!
alhamdullilah i found one soon later. im currently working at Accessorize. i wont tell you guys the location :)

i remove my tagboard. so anything twitter or fb me. or probably i should do formspring? been thinking of doing one. insya allah when i have the free time :)

anw, im getting irritated with my face and i wonder when can it be back clean like before! i want to gain weight! i need to like eat unhealthy, fatty food but all these are just affecting my face! haiya. life is hard being me. lol.

i actually wanted to blog about how 2010 was for me. it totally sucks. i shall post this some other time. i will share you people how i live my life this year.