im 17 and young. i frown most of the time. im not any famous girl to bitch about.

i woke up in the morning due to my mum's loud crying. i got panicked and thought that my sister, sarah, was kidnapped and the stranger asking money from my mum. i know it's weird but i thought of that because the night before i didn't saw sarah at home. but the truth was, my aunt in jb passed away..

i was totally shocked because it was unexpected and i felt that it was too early for her to go. i felt bad and sinful because she was the most unfavourite aunt i had. my sisters and i hate her naggings, advices and whatever that has got to do with her. she sometimes cleaned up my house, and also cooked for my family but i never felt appreciated about that. i find that her cleaning up is just a minor touch and her cooking in my kitchen is just making the kitchen looks like a canteen kitchen.

once i reached the mosque, i look at the dead body covered with white cotton up to her eyes. at first there wasn't any reaction of me, but then tears rolled down my cheeks non-stop. i felt really sinful after all this while i think of her. i lifted up the cloth that covered up her face. i wipe my tears, kissed her forehead and said "im sorry". i was shivering when i kissed her forehead. i kept on thinking that saying sorry to a dead person was way worse that saying sorry to a boyfriend. because of one thing for sure, you can't expect that they will forgive you. it started to rain and i kept praying few surah for her and also prayed that the rain will stopped so it will be easier for her to be buried. i felt sorry for my grandmother who is at the age of around 75 crying like hell and can't believe that her daughter who is at aged of 57 had left first before she does.

once we reached the cementry, she was already buried. i didn't had the chance to see them lift her down. i left the place with a low heart and hope that she will find her husband in heaven. we all went back to her house and felt really sad for her because her house was under renovation but she left before the whole house is done. her five children felt really down as their mum passed away just like that without even having any sickness or something. i felt really sad for her youngest child who is getting married next year, didn't get the chance to have her in his wedding ceremony.

as for now, i felt like a very sinful person and hope that i appreciate every little thing a person has done for me eventhough i might dislike them. her face still plays around my mind till now.

semoga kuburmu dicucuri rahmat.